Four for Evolution

I am nearly finished my first Gratitude Journal that I started in January 2015. I’ve already bought the new hardcover Paperblanks journal for the next round but while browsing the old one I see pages and pages mentioning pain and naps and feeling sick. Weeks and months and on it goes just like today. I’ve got to sort this out.

I am looking through the Power Tarot book and decide to use the Evolution Spread with the Animal Totem Tarot:

1) The situation as it exists now – FOUR OF CUPS
2) How the situation will evolve in the next four weeks – ACE OF CUPS
3) Someone or something that will affect the situation – KNIGHT OF SWORDS
4) The outcome – KING OF WANDS


1) FOUR OF CUPS – OCTOPUS – He’s floating around, seeing that treasure but taking it for granted, feeling jaded about it all. He feels his ship broke apart and sunk ages ago so what’s the point of bothering? Overindulgence and distractions don’t work when your time is coming to an end; the octopus only lives a short time. You can have too much of a good thing, which is the situation I find myself in having destroyed my health during the latter years of my life.

2) ACE OF CUPS – KINGFISHER –  Things are brimming over, which reminds me of detox and how the toxins pour out of the body. This is a river of possibility and healing, of life-giving water. There is an unlimited supply here of something other than processed food or junk food treats. Water, spilling over always ready to fill you up when you feel an emotional lack. “Bathe your emotional wounds in the healing water.”

3) KNIGHT OF SWORDS – ROOK – I see people referring to certain cards stalking them in draws, and for me this Knight comes up a lot. I call him Mr. Harum-Scarum, and he is just the sort who dashes around flitting from thing to thing and throwing himself into new endeavours but rarely completing them. He’s quick though which requires adaptation and quick thinking. In this case he’s telling me not to over plan or think things out entirely, just get out and do something, have a little adventure, get out of the house. I’ve got a shield for protection and a sword to cut through detritus. Keep going, keep doing.

4) KING OF WANDS – TASMANIAN DEVIL – I’ve pulled him recently too. This guy is a commander and doesn’t bother much with people unless he feels good in their presence. He also doesn’t like to lose so the suggestion that I “Burn and scorch all you have left behind so there is no chance of going back” seems in character. I’ve done that in my physical reality after moving house but not so much in my emotional reality. He doesn’t lose and he doesn’t want me to lose either. Action is a risk and it may not work but that’s no excuse for non-action. That’s my outcome: by acting I will not lose.





King Blue Under the Lamp at Dawn



I was up at 4 am feeding the cat (as you do) and couldn’t get back to sleep. Yesterday I only slept for 3 hours and got so dizzy I had to go back to bed in the afternoon. We went for a nature walk two days ago and the terrain was rugged, so my knees are now tender and I feel frail and sickly and I resent that.

I’ve got so much to do and this body is dragging me down. I breathe, I mindfully think of good things and try to have compassion for my body but I really hate it some days.

The King says “Isn’t that illuminating?” as he sits and ponders my inability to love myself.

However, this guy gets things done, perhaps a reminder that no matter how awful you feel you can harness your mind and choose to do something in a day.

I can feel myself getting a bit down which can be dangerous if I don’t catch it in time. Extra vitamins mateys!

Count on It

COUNT STAFFS (King of Wands)


This is Saint Kosmas of Maiuma, a bishop who wrote poetry, sacred hymns and defended imagery of the Church against iconoclasts, who were hell bent (pun!) on destroying all the lovely statues, frescoes, and mosaics in churches.

He reminds me a bit of Hildegard von Bingen, who also wrote and painted, and was a poet and creator of music, and proponent of the spiritual life and art.

Like all Kings, this chap can be a bit of a controlling, critical presence, but I see him today as someone who reasons, yet has a creative, spiritual side. A reminder of balance and dignity. I haven’t been too dignified in the last two days, I’ve been sore and stroppy with the spouse, and generally not my cheery self. Today I must read and write in my journals with my marvelous fountain pens and ink I brought with me, and have dignity and order surrounding me.

I hope to finish the tarot bag I have been hand sewing for this deck tomorrow or later today. It always takes longer to hand sew things, and I’ve done some extra backstitching for reinforcement of seams in both the lining and main fabric, as the deck is quite large. The bag fits though, and I boxed the corners so it has a more tailored look to it and won’t have oodles of fabric spilling out the sides when I put it in its box.

There is a new age shop in this town so I might drift in and see if I can find some beads or something to embellish it. Ideally I would eventually make my own beads and highlight them with gold paint, but that’s for down the line when we eventually get into a house.

Kosmas says “Count on it.”



Dragons Apparently Like Photography


For those who feel confusion, the Kings in this deck are women. All is right with the world.


The King and her dragon are going to eat help the person on the ground. Do you doubt? This King is similar to the Wands Queen in that you have to remain aware of him, he can turn quickly into something formidable.

Wait, that dragon is saying “Show me your dog pictures, or else!”



Helpless, I get up from the ground and obey the directive, pondering red-frocked imperiousness.



Ants in My Pants, Anxiety in My Head

I started a project two days ago and after completing my stint, my husband painted the new garage door. I went out to admire his work and we noticed the ants were swarming. They have done this every year for about four years. Probably because of changing weather patterns in Ontario, this province seems to be having problems. They are apparently Cornfield Ants, and are not dangerous and don’t live indoors, but they do ruin lawns and create holes everywhere when they swarm. They normally are not noticeable until they swarm in the third week of September. It’s only been the last four years I have noticed them at all.

Anyway, it caused me a lot of anxiety. I felt bad because we sprayed them with insecticide. It probably won’t kill the queen and the nest but it will stop most of the swarm and many new colonies from developing. I felt like a thoughtless human thumping around slaughtering the Earth. Then I worried about my property and house and garage getting wrecked and on and on it went, leaving me unable to sleep until 5 a.m. I was up all night and only had three hours of sleep. Yesterday I still felt hopeless and overwhelmed.

My husband says it’s nature, it’s the way it is, but I feel anxious. The whole thing took over my mind, and left me churning and sick for hours and hours. I managed to sleep for five hours last night, but feel defeated, like Nature has betrayed me and I her.

Let’s see what some cards say about this.

KING OF RABBITS (King of Wands)
XI – JUSTICE (Hound)


All Kings are rather arrogant I find, although wise. When I think of this King today I see impatience, temper, anger, relentlessness. In fact, the very human traits I felt I embodied fighting against Nature. He can also mean stoicism and logic, so that leads to Temperance. He also seems to be hiding, peeking out with alarm.

Temperance of course tells me there is a balance to life and Nature, a natural balance and harmony. It could be my dire killing efforts provided a necessary balance to ant proliferation, since Nature seems to have lost that balance lately. It could also mean the Nature will eventually provide some sort of balance. Things are skewy here. Frogs are dying, probably because of a worldwide fungus. Birds are not around as much, nutcases on ATVs have taken over the woods. I feel afraid, like this deer looks startled, but I have to realize that a balance of energy lives around me.

The Hound of Justice is also about fairness and facts, logical balance. The deer in the background looks alarmed at the dog introduced by humans, the hunter, looking at ants swarming in the grass. Eventually perhaps it will all work out? Learning to be fair, and allowing insect life in the garden, allowing wild animals in the country.

It’s all about balance and cycles and the way I overemphasize one side, forgetting the other side. If I am fair, then Nature will be fair to me.

I still feel bad. Sigh.



Mr. Pink, Meet Mr. Grumps

The spouse wants to go shopping with his retirement gift cards. He is interested in a hedge trimmer and a small portable table saw. After the dentist I’m not sure if my back is up to travelling in our bone-shaking car, but I was thinking he could drop me off at Michael’s while he went to Canadian Tire.

Pondering this, and whether I should go at all, I drew a card for the day:



Oh, the King of Finks…I mean Wands. What I feel with this guy today is a domineering and threatening need to have everything his own way. Spouse has been like that all week after I bought some books. Blah, apart from being hurtful it leaves me reluctant to go along with anything he wants, and to isolate myself.

However, Mr. Grumps, the overbearing intolerant crab-ass, is holding out a tulip, trying to be Mr. Nice Guy, and saying “Who me??”

So maybe I should go…trapped in a car and several stores with a taciturn cheapskate sounds like a lot of fun for a Saturday.

Oh now Judith, be nice, give the nice King the benefit of the doubt.

Later that day:


The miracle is that with all the DMC threads I have, I was able to pluck out these six and not duplicate anything I have at home. Light blue marbled flannel for a nightie with complementary blues and oranges in the embroidery. I’m cooking baby, cooking with colour.

And on the way home we cranked up Thin Lizzy and flew. The boys are back in town. Apparently they’re wearing blue this season and they’ll be trimming hedges with their new rechargeable hedge trimmer.


First Move Through the Labyrinth

KING OF BOWS – ADDER (King of Wands)


I traced my pattern off and cut out my nightie two days ago, but I’m pretty sore, so had to take a break. Two more days until I get my x-ray results.

Yesterday a real estate agent put his card on our door. We had talked to him last year, but I think we need to redo the bathroom and clear out some rooms before even attempting to put the house up for sale.

The World Tree has a labyrinth you need to go through before you get to the door, the access to the new journey after the end of another. I can’t wait, only three months until my husband retires, but I am also nervous about getting by on less money and the upheaval of possibly moving and more renovations and packing decades of stuff, particularly many books. It’s hard to think ahead when I am in pain.

But the King of Bows takes these things in his stride. The male snakes are fighting for dominance, the King likes to lead, to be the one with the answers. Strength of resolve occurs to me, path and goals are direct, you take them because it is what you need to do.

Big changes can be frightening. We always thought we would leave it until next Spring, but if we did it this year we’d be away and on the new journey by the time Spring comes. The stress though would be unbelievable and I’m already having health problems.

Maybe the King is too tied up in snarls and knots, or perhaps he is overcomplicating it?