FOUR OF CUPS
I drew this card last night from the Spiral Tarot so I could ruminate on it while sleeping. I smiled when I saw it this morning: she is slumped and favouring her right arm, her left arm propping her listless head up. Just so! I hurt my right shoulder again trying to comb my Newfoundland dog three days ago. It set up the cycle of hopelessness, the slump. I can’t write in my journal, I can barely type this.
I am reading quietly through James Ricklef’s book The Soul’s Journey, and finding it like eating a piece of cold fruit when thirsty. He has many observations and quotes, the book has some depth and a fresh way of considering cards. My old copy of The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations is about 35 years-old and split in two and torn at the spine because I have used it so much, and I like people who gather quotes and bits of philosophy and tie it all together. As well, he focuses on awareness, mindfulness and meditation in this book, also a good vibration.
Turning to him then for a consideration of the Four of Cups, I find this passage regarding the difference between apathy and non-attachment:
“Another difference arises from the fact that apathy is associated with a retreat from our problems out of a sense of hopelessness or a fear of failure. Non-attachment, however, comes from a sense of trust in the Divine as we release our need to control how things turn out. In addition, non-attachment can help us overcome apathy since our anxiety, indifference, and dissatisfaction will dissolve when we are not attached to the results of our endeavors out of a sense of fear or need.”
It’s a fine line between the two but seems a good thought for the day. My extra sewing machine foot came in yesterday and I missed the phone call, but I can go and pick it up this morning. I feel discouraged because my arm hurts, and pondering how I’m going to sew, I reflect on this passage, especially after feeling very anxious yesterday.
This feeling that I must do something, I must quilt 14 unfinished tops this year, I must sew when I can hardly lift my arm, gets a bit fraught. So what if I ice my shoulder, read quietly, do what my body feels like, and then not be attached to results?
I can feel my release of the need to control, to perform, overcoming apathy. I feel it in my mind.