The Universe Propels Me and My Crystalline Ear Forward

I have been having a time of it. Last week I developed benign paroxysmal positional vertigo, a torture from hell due to crystals or debris in the inner ear. It was so alarming I actually went to the doctor for the first time in nine years. Consultation, blood tests and 14 x-rays later it looks like my chronic pain is some sort of damage to the sacroiliac joint and possibly arthritis in the spine too.

Doing the x-rays with various positioning, and walking up and down the big hill at the hospital sent me into yet another crisis of pain and severe leg cramps. I had a couple nights of attendant feelings of hopelessness and despair.

There’s a song off a Paul McCartney album I bought for the spouse called Appreciate that has lodged in my mind due to its rhythmic beat and words.

Lift up your head,
And remember what your life is
Don’t have to give it all away
When you’re left for dead
In the middle of a crisis
You must appreciate the day


I played that twice yesterday with tears streaming down my face. You do what you can.

Today for my Tri-Sacred draw I am using the Diary of a Broken Soul card for my lead.

2 of Spades (2 of Swords)
2 of Blades
Two of Blades


If you look closely at the two sceptres, they are like swords skewering the palms of her hands. Wind catches her hair and uplifts it. She stands with dark eyes of despair. I think of Air and thoughts and how you rule yourself, uplift yourself, oversee yourself. You wear the pleated gown you made for yourself. If you are crucified, turn your palms upward and ask for help. That’s why we have medical support. Bring yourself back to balance.

In the Tarot of the Absurd, arcing arms are like the arc in an electrical circuit. The balance of difference, the balance of people and atoms. Bare feet again, grounded. Dare you touch the Other, dare you say you need help? They look in-sync but one side is slightly different than the other.

The Two of Blades from the Ironwing reminds me of a silk screen art project I did in grade 8. It was a perfect seahorse except for one little glitch that blobbed up in the tail. So much for silk screening, it requires a great patience.

This card depicts 19th century Chinese fisherman’s knives. I like the idea of studying mechanisms with this as Lorena states in the book. The picture of the two blades in balance, like a pelvis, like sacroiliac joints. Don’t take risks with details.

I was just thinking that to myself: make the right choices in what you eat and how to move and forget worrying about details and a timeline. Swing freely, be flexible in mind and body. Two sides, mind and body, and two halves of the body, left and right. The point of these blades untie knots in fishing nets. This experience and current health crisis will untie the knots in the net I have made. I also think that untying knots requires time and patience. Some will be harder to pick out than others.

Go slowly and don’t damage the net. And whatever you do, don’t lie on your left side, the land of Vertigo.




Change, Habits, Notations, and Misalignments

Daily Draw April 2nd, 2011

April already. I haven’t been able to get down the stairs too well to get to the computer but today I strapped up my ankle and knee and made it down at last.

Protection from Stagnation

I’ll take that. My right hip and knee are popping out due to the other ankle being sprained. I guess everything’s misaligned as the load bearing joints get out of whack. All this sitting also has me feeling stagnated. I tried to draw, but it hurt my hand so much I had to take three days off and everything’s still tender. I’ve also had a bad cold and sore throat for three days. Always something.

While reading Mirrors by Eduardo Galeano, which I have now finished having raced through it in two days, I came across an interesting notation on page 64 about the Roman healer and philosopher Galen. I suppose from observance plus personal philosophy, he saw that habits become second nature and that health and illness are a way of life. So, if you are ill by nature, change your habits!

That seems very sensible to me. I’m going to type that out and put it somewhere where I can see it often. Ill health, like stagnation is a habit. The 2 of Spades card also signifies change, a noticeable change in direction, it’s very abrupt. I hope that doesn’t mean I’m going to break my hip. I’d prefer to think I will make an abrupt change in habits.

Something else about the duality of two strikes me today: habits, particularly if you are married a long time, tend to be intertwined, so while I might make the change in habits the spouse doesn’t. Does this necessarily hold you back? Suppose your habits untwine while you change? Change is change, and individual change can be done even though slightly difficult due to the close influence of the spouse.

I am always amazed at how alone people are, so if we each are so alone, why do we blame the other influence. Isn’t that just blame?

Personal responsibility for stagnation. “Round and ’round it goes in the mind…….