What Condition My Unconditional Is In

JASMINE – INNER BEAUTY (Jasminum officinale)


Jasmine is my favourite scent. It’s in my favourite tea and my favourite perfume and the scent is wonderful. I’m not sure about aromatherapy but I do feel good when I put my perfume on in the mornings. I went without this cologne for years, but last year I decided I was worth it and bought a bottle for $90.

In this deck the card is about feeling strong by enhancing unconditional love for yourself and others, and self-compassion on days when you feel ugly or resentful.

I often enjoy looking at card decks and what people are doing with them online. It’s heartening to see younger people loving their card decks. I saw one young girl tearing up as she talked about a card in a deck validating her. I see that expression a lot lately. Validate means to make legally valid, valid comes from the Latin for strong or to make strong.

Why would a card make you feel legally strong, as if without it you were not legal or legally strong? Some psychology terms, far from being empowering, seem bent on making us feel weak and helpless. “Unconditional love” is another psychology term that makes us feel weak. There is no such thing as unconditional love, therefore you won’t feel it and you’ll always feel weak.

If you are alive you are validated. If you love it is enough, without the condition of being unconditional.

Mmmm, smell that jasmine.




4 thoughts on “What Condition My Unconditional Is In

  1. Tea olives and lemon tree blooms are some of my favorite scents. Funny how a smell can change your mood. 🙂 When I first started studying lojong, I heard Pema Chodron comment that there were two necessary tools for mind training: a basic meditation practice and self-compassion. Hard to believe that it was the latter I would struggle the most with!

    • Oh yes, I love lemon scents too, although I’ve never smelled the blooms. 360° by Perry Ellis was a cologne I liked with lemon tones in it, can’t find it any more, and the spouse had an aftershave once that had vetiver in it–wonderful scent.

      Self-compassion–harder to work than calculus!

  2. When I hear someone say they feel validated, I understand that they want acknowledgement and acceptance. As social beings (none of us can easily survive for long entirely alone), those seem reasonable things to seek. For me, the sad part is if someone is not getting those things from any of the people around them, and has to find them in cards. While it’s better than nothing, that kind of ‘me against the world’ feeling is a hard place to be 😦

    • I find that acknowledgement and acceptance comes from within. It’s a fool’s game to seek it from others because your world disintegrates if you don’t get it, and you often don’t, which can cause continual neediness and grasping for some kind of saving juice from people. It’s the same with being lonely, it’s not other people that cure loneliness, it’s your approach to it from within yourself.

      You are trained in the wilds of psychology, and I have found that psychology doesn’t contain the answers to all things as advertised. Therapy is a good bridge to get you on your feet again after a crisis, but too much reliance on psychology buzzwords and easy phrases can be inhibiting and limiting.

      I think cards are generally uplifting, but it is a bit sad to let a card validate you as you say. I felt very bad for this girl, she seemed to have a lot going for her, but perhaps couldn’t see it herself. Isn’t that always the way with humans?

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