Preposterous Worms and Niggly Things

9 OF CLUBS

9clubs_preposterous

Remember this little ditty?:

“The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out,
In your stomach and out your mouth”

Ah the joys of ruminating on death. I have been up for three hours with cascading nerve pain and muscle spasms. My approach for the last three days has been to stop taking pills: no more rushing to alleviate every pain and ache with Tylenol or aspirin.

I lie instead and concentrate on my breath and sometimes magically the pain dies down. I have built up such hatred for my body that I thought I’d try another way, the way of letting it be and just feeling it. The strange thing is that despite outrageous amounts of nerve pain I generally feel kindly toward my body for a change. I feel my breath is a cold compress on inflammation, a caress of comfort where none was to be found.

It’s tough, it’s hard to sleep, but I’m thinking that this habit of gulping anti-inflammatories, apart from making my liver hurt, is much like reaching for junk food when you feel anxiety or anger or sadness. Maybe the better way is to acknowledge it, feel it, breathe with it?

I am also finding that I have more energy and that because of the pain, I’m more careful of what I eat, more caring in reaching for better nutrition. Awareness…it’s a strength of resolve I haven’t had for a while. Drop the mask, drop the masking meds, and then what happens? An interesting thing.

 

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8 Comments on “Preposterous Worms and Niggly Things”


  1. Brave and wonderful! I am glad that the mindfulness is helping. The playing card is hilarious 😀

    • JJ Says:

      Living in the UK, you must be familiar with the artist, Simon Drew? I went to a great deal of trouble to get these cards, and he has a second playing card deck I wanted–shall have to see if I can scrounge them up.

      I wanted something humorous today and as well as being humorous, it really seemed to hit a nerve (so to speak!)

      I was awake from 2:20 am to 8 am and then managed to catch 2.5 hours of sleep. I actually don’t feel bad, I’m in a good mood and feeling friendly toward my body. It makes me wonder if in addition to killing my liver, these supposed medications were also fiddling with my brain chemicals?


      • Oh, I hadn’t realised that’s who it was! I have some of his cards from back in the 90’s! I always loved his humour 😀

        It’s wonderful that you’ve turned some kind of corner, able to be friendly to your body, despite the pain. And yes, pain is a signal, so maybe blocking that signal was also blocking some of your healing potential…

        • JJ Says:

          I had to take 2 aspirin at 1 am last night, but they seem to have interrupted the nerve pain signal, or perhaps reduced inflammation. I was able to sleep and the horrible pain has died down. I am hoping that I can carry on pill-less again.

          I made it through 3 days then had aspirin. Not bad, better than guzzling 3 extra strength Tylenol per day plus two aspirin.


          • I remember when I was having my rotator cuff trouble, I was told that taking anti-inflammatories, at least at the outset, was good to let the nerves stop over-reacting. So, maybe a little on occasion gives your body enough breathing room to get on with healing, while lots all the time persuades it that it has nothing to do? Hope the mindfulness is still helping 🙂

            • JJ Says:

              Oh, that,s good to know Chloe–this over-reactive nerves seems probable, and one aspirin takes the edge off. I actually slept for 6 hours then was up and after an aspirin slept another 3 hours–so unusual for me. I needed to sleep, I’ve been up for days.

  2. Beverly King Says:

    Good on you for taking the less traveled path; I see you’ve already realized its benefits! I’m trying to talk my husband into trying this (he has chronic, intense back pain and sciatica). That card made me laugh – better than any pill I could take!

    • JJ Says:

      I understand the back pain as i am supposed to have spinal stenosis and ligament damage in knees and pelvis–who knows. I had sciatica flushing down both sides of my body for hours last night. I’ve tried this before and couldn’t stand the pain without a pill, but I think there is something important related to healing going on. Sure, pills alleviate the pain, but they seem to be keeping me in a circle of pain that I can’t get out of.

      The dichotomy of pharmaceuticals. My mood is so improved despite being awake for almost 6 hours in pain, but I feel good, so I am persevering. The brain is wise at repair but maybe it needs to feel the pain to rectify it and swing into action?


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