Lojong #26

I had a meltdown last night, worrying about moving and “staging” the house for sale and not having room to put things away, and having to take art down off the walls. The trouble is that I have nowhere to store paintings safely and I know the glass would get broken and I’m weary of things getting wrecked. I will take small things down that I can wrap and keep safe before we paint the rooms. Edit it somewhat, but only small things that I can store without breaking them.

Still, it bugs me, all this staging stuff you have to do today. You want things to look nice and get a good sale price but everybody wants perfection. I already have trouble sleeping and this worry exacerbates it.

Lojong #26
Don’t ponder others.


That leaf in the middle is starting to feel surrounded and bound on all sides. All these other plants saying “Your leaves should be like mine!” Other people do tend to get preoccupied with helping you fix or change things. They get caught up in comparing, assuming, analyzing, and living your life instead of their own. It’s distracting to them, it’s about making them feel okay, not you.

I got two calls in the last two weeks from someone I refer to as The Cat Lady. Neither one of us will answer the phone and speak to her. This is not a friend, this is someone who latched onto me and has never really made an effort to know me or to listen to me after 28 years. She hasn’t been in my house for 15 years, and yet she phones and phones sounding bitter and resentful when I do pick up the phone. I can no longer take it.

This card is about minding your own business. We have enough trouble knowing our own hearts and minds, so how can we know about others? Norman Fischer calls this “Don’t figure others out.” What a relief just to say it. (Judy Lief says the same thing, so that’s a innate part of this slogan, we all feel the relief.)

Part of not figuring people out is to leave them alone, don’t ponder them. It works both ways. Trust your own experience and don’t compare yourself, don’t highlight the flaws of others and ignore your own.



9 thoughts on “Lojong #26

  1. Moving house, and everything that goes along with it, is a total pain. Good luck finding the equanimity to deal with it all. Bev’s Lojong cards seem the perfect fit for it 🙂

    • I haven’t moved for 29 years so I’ve accumulated a lot of stuff. Still, the tension will dissipate in a few months and then we’ll have our new life to enjoy. I try to keep telling myself that hopefully this year it will be over.

      Bev’s Lojong cards are a perfect fit for everything!

  2. This is the same card on the Lojong blog this week. 🙂 I have a “friend” who calls (and is resentful because I don’t call her). But she calls for the gossip and dirt on other people, and I have to wonder what she does with anything I personally share about myself and family. I don’t want to talk about anything or anyone with her because I don’t want to give her any information. At first I felt guilty because I ignored her calls, but I feel now that by not taking her calls I’m not enabling her.

    • I guess we are taught to listen and give people an ear but at this point there is no connection to this woman, she has no idea who I am.

      One time when I was discussing my card decks she said to me “Don’t dabble Judith” and I was taken aback. A few years later she’s talking about seeing the ghosts of her dead relatives and going to mediums, which is both ironic and hypocritical.

      She simply has no idea who I am or what I do or think. Two years ago my Dad was in the hospital for two months, on the edge of death, and she never asked about him or has since. She simply does not care. At some point I thought “Well if she doesn’t know or care, why talk to her?”

      Oh and Bev, you have to know that your acquaintance gossips about YOU too. That’s inevitable. Nice to your face, cruel behind your back. I worked with someone like that, no point engaging with them. But you know, we are taught to be nice and think it’s our fault etc.

      No. No fault either side, just pass them by.

  3. I’ve got a Cat Lady. I’ve been avoiding her for about ten years. I have done everything but telling her to ‘Cat Off!!’ but she still keeps sending those messages, even though I don’t respond. When I see her amongst a group, she doesn’t listen to what I say. She doesn’t care about what is going on with me. She just wants an outlet to talk about herself and get some advice. She’s the kind who asks you how you are, just so she can tell you how she is.

    No thank you!

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