Victory Under the Lightning



Four hours of sleep.

My husband keeps bringing home junk food again. I feel sick, my blood sugar is up and I’ve got edema. It’s odd that if a person is noticeably dying physically, the other person seems to reinforce this, almost to want it. It’s like they are deliberately, systematically trying to kill you.

He laughs when I look at him when I find this garbage food he has brought home. Why is it funny to kill someone? I had zero appetite for the junk so managed to avoid most of it, but it’s in the cupboard now.

This is a card of victory, and I especially liked this bit from the book:

The solution lies in the mind

Decision-making and effort. Don’t underestimate the obstacles placed in the way.

There is something rather eerie about the reflections in the water in this image. The old boat lurking in the reeds, the murky reflection, somewhat sinister.

I guess I’d better look up “enablers” and “co-dependency” and see about ways to change our pattern. It has become much worse since I’ve been unable to physically do things in the last three years. My husband does almost everything, including going out while I stay inside. Even when I get up to get a glass of water, he won’t let me, it gets a bit creepy. I was going to put some laundry in the dryer last night and he rushed right in to do it, making me a bit hesitant, wondering what the heck was going on.

My naturopath told me I had trouble with boundaries. In reading about co-dependency I feel a bit sad for my husband, we both have a lot of the symptoms. I suppose we’ve been avoiding it, letting it roll on, but it’s doing damage. That word, it’s about other people, but really it’s us. Awareness.

Compassion must go both ways. Reflections.




4 thoughts on “Victory Under the Lightning

  1. Enabling behavior is often a product of an over-developed sense of responsibility. It may be well-meaning, but it perpetuates an unhealthy cycle. But here’s the rub.. it takes both an enabler and an enablee to make it work. A clothesline may stay taut stretched between two poles, but pull up one post and it no longer works. From my experience in 12 step groups, it is rarely the enabler that pulls up his post because it feels too mean and uncaring to do so. It’s no weakness of either party, it’s just a habitual response (that can be unlearned!). Hugs to both of you.

  2. Yes, we had a talk about it and realize that both parties are doing things to make it work.

    Funny Bev, we saw several programs on TV–My 600-lb Life on TLC and that was what triggered my fear about it. He recognizes this too. I am not 600 lbs thank goodness but the pattern is similar.

    I like your analogy about the clothesline–I shall visualize that one when I’m tempted to slip into the pattern.

    Thanks for your insight. Part of the problem is that with retirement, my husband gets bored (we are snowed in right now) so he gets fidgety and wants to do things. Every thing. Yikes. Anyway we had a chat and a hug. Awareness is key with such mindless patterns.

    • I’ve just made copies of some of the “Color Me Calm” pages for mine to color. 😀 Gotta keep him busy or he gets restless and grumpy! (Of course that’s the pot calling the kettle black). Still waiting for the animal coloring book that you mentioned to arrive from the UK.

      • One of my sisters just bought a whole slew of adult colouring books. I’ve had some for years as inspiration for miniature rugs, but all of a sudden it seems to be acceptable to buy them.

        I just asked the spouse, he is not interested in colouring pages. What kind of a deal is that???!!! I’ve been gypped.

        Maybe women should put that on the questionnaire. You know: 1) Do you like children 2) What kind of music do you like 3) Do you enjoy movies 4) Are you really keen on colouring books

        Vital information before getting married.

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