18 – BOUNDARY DANCE
I picked the Tea Leaf card first and sifted through for a suitable matching card for colour from The Way of the Horse (one of my favourite sets.)
The horse card is about setting boundaries, getting people to back off and respect you. It’s about what happens when you don’t do that, how you can slip into a screaming rage that is less about the specific incident than about deflecting rage that you have built up. There are ways to stand up to others that are appropriate, there are ways of acknowledging your anger without letting it build up into a blind rage.
And who better to highlight this than a younger woman, a teenage girl with seemingly baffling changes in mood and rage run wild? She looks crabby but she is being silent about why.
I liked the thought that there are two emotions involved in this: anger or frustration. They feel similar and both can turn to rage, but frustration is about banging your head against the ineffectiveness of doing something. You are blocked or need some help and new ideas, or even a nap and a fresher mind. Anger is about people not respecting your space, about expecting you to submit, to not speak, it’s about people being aggressive and inconsiderate and expecting you to be silent and take it.
To set a boundary, you don’t hurt someone, just ask and if necessary insist. Wow, there’s a concept when we are taught to be “good” and do as we are told. It is a good idea for me to step back and try to determine if I am frustrated or angry, with solutions related to what actually is behind my escalating feelings.
If only I could remember to do that.