“I’m trapped here, I’m trapped again.”

Elizabeth Shepherd has a new album out called The Signal which is jazz with quite a bit of electro-pop funk stuff so it’s different. There is one song called What’s Happening that they play a lot on the jazz radio station I listen to.


What’s Happening?
from The Signal by Elizabeth Shepherd

Feel the welcome start to fade, what’s happening, what’s happened here?
It’s a new and different war to lose again; I’m losing it.
Neighbours slowly turn away; I’m trapped here, I’m trapped again.

Thinly veiled is my pride
Thinly veiled fear in their eyes,
Such waste for my heavy heart
This wasted life, this part I play

How I know this sinking feeling well, so well
Of written laws that hold the keys to hell, my hell

Empty schools bear testament – it happens here, it’s happening
Sisters say it’s for our good, just feel our love, do you feel our love?
Take away the work I own and keep the pay, just keep your pay.
But leave me my own war to wage for dignity, for dignity.

Thinly veiled …

I woke up with this song going through my head repeatedly and I felt pretty good this morning so immediately started cooking a vegan stew. I soaked the beans last night and I have my fingers crossed it will be good. (It was, you can see the steam in the upper left hand corner.)


With a song in my heart…



For me today, this would indicate sincerity toward myself. I’ve been ill for over five years and I’ve made half-hearted attempts to get well, insincere attempts.

When you pray every day to die because you are in pain and then eat a carton of ice cream, you are not being sincere with yourself.




6 thoughts on ““I’m trapped here, I’m trapped again.”

  1. “When you pray every day to die because you are in pain and then eat a carton of ice cream, you are not being sincere with yourself”

    That could be a metaphor for something in nearly everyone’s life – be it about their job, their health, their weight, their vices.

    We all need a good vegan stew! We just aren’t being honest with ourselves about it! Having said that, I am proud of how I quit the cigarettes and alcohol. Coming up to three years for both! I need to cut out the junky treats now.

    • That vegan stew made buckets, I’ve still got enough for 3 meals.

      I know, you have done an impressive job of shedding yourself of two strong addictions. Three years, wow.

      The junky treats: many people advise doing something like an 80:20 ratio of good and junk food. I find that any taste of the junk just ramps up my desire for it.

  2. Oh, JJ, what a powerful post! Unhealthy eating and food addictions are in many ways the very hardest to beat, because you can’t just go cold turkey – we need to eat several times a day. I’ve now been junk free for five weeks (okay, not a lifetime, but it’s a start). One of the most powerful things that helped me is a hypnotherapy app – I listen to one or other of the meditations every day. The one I like best is by Mindifi, called Weight Loss, and includes 10 different meditations. It’s about a healthy approach to food, and a loving approach to yourself, more than just losing weight.
    (((Hugs))) Chloë

    • I don’t have a machine to run apps but that sounds interesting. I’ve got a couple of books on emotional eating that I found helpful too.

      So you’ve been at it for five weeks? I once lasted a couple of months but always slipped back. This time I just have to change. It is tough.

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