Ants in My Pants, Anxiety in My Head
I started a project two days ago and after completing my stint, my husband painted the new garage door. I went out to admire his work and we noticed the ants were swarming. They have done this every year for about four years. Probably because of changing weather patterns in Ontario, this province seems to be having problems. They are apparently Cornfield Ants, and are not dangerous and don’t live indoors, but they do ruin lawns and create holes everywhere when they swarm. They normally are not noticeable until they swarm in the third week of September. It’s only been the last four years I have noticed them at all.
Anyway, it caused me a lot of anxiety. I felt bad because we sprayed them with insecticide. It probably won’t kill the queen and the nest but it will stop most of the swarm and many new colonies from developing. I felt like a thoughtless human thumping around slaughtering the Earth. Then I worried about my property and house and garage getting wrecked and on and on it went, leaving me unable to sleep until 5 a.m. I was up all night and only had three hours of sleep. Yesterday I still felt hopeless and overwhelmed.
My husband says it’s nature, it’s the way it is, but I feel anxious. The whole thing took over my mind, and left me churning and sick for hours and hours. I managed to sleep for five hours last night, but feel defeated, like Nature has betrayed me and I her.
Let’s see what some cards say about this.
KING OF RABBITS (King of Wands)
XIV – TEMPERANCE (Doe)
XI – JUSTICE (Hound)
All Kings are rather arrogant I find, although wise. When I think of this King today I see impatience, temper, anger, relentlessness. In fact, the very human traits I felt I embodied fighting against Nature. He can also mean stoicism and logic, so that leads to Temperance. He also seems to be hiding, peeking out with alarm.
Temperance of course tells me there is a balance to life and Nature, a natural balance and harmony. It could be my dire killing efforts provided a necessary balance to ant proliferation, since Nature seems to have lost that balance lately. It could also mean the Nature will eventually provide some sort of balance. Things are skewy here. Frogs are dying, probably because of a worldwide fungus. Birds are not around as much, nutcases on ATVs have taken over the woods. I feel afraid, like this deer looks startled, but I have to realize that a balance of energy lives around me.
The Hound of Justice is also about fairness and facts, logical balance. The deer in the background looks alarmed at the dog introduced by humans, the hunter, looking at ants swarming in the grass. Eventually perhaps it will all work out? Learning to be fair, and allowing insect life in the garden, allowing wild animals in the country.
It’s all about balance and cycles and the way I overemphasize one side, forgetting the other side. If I am fair, then Nature will be fair to me.
I still feel bad. Sigh.