Somewhere along the way I developed quite a bit of anxiety when making things for other people. I like to make things, but I don’t seem able to handle the pressure these days. Even if I’m on deadline it bothers me and takes over my whole life. Odd that. I have one more side to attach for my current project and then I can package it up to mail tomorrow.
The spouse says “Never again, don’t make things for other people only make things for yourself.” I think that too. I wonder if this is my body’s way of saying “I want you to concentrate on yourself.” That seems rather self-centred.
Today I pulled out the charming Le Devin deck by Heron. It has 52 cards plus two significator cards for a man and woman. I love the Art Deco-like illustrations.
CADEAU – PRESENT (Reversed is OBLIGATION)
Handmade presents are lovely, but you wonder why you spent so much of your self, so much energy and commitment to something.
I think many people appreciate money or a bought gift more. I am weary of spilling myself out like this. I had all kinds of problems with supplies for the one I am just finishing up and while it looks beautiful, I would rather contain this sort of energy for my own home. When a gesture to fashion an item by hand degenerates into obligation, it’s time to redirect my energy.
It still seems ratty and selfish but at this point the body or mind is saying “Stop!!”