Hovering Bees Vibrating in the Sun

Still at it, frigging around and worrying things on the computer. I got 1.5 hours of sleep last night and an extra 2.5 hours after the alarm went off at 5:30. Details, details, driving the mind.

Needless to say I am not exactly on steady ground today. I decided to do my routine card draw and blogging, and then I must get to some sewing. I finished a book but I am so anxious generally that I can’t sit and read. I feel the anxiety like a clamp across my chest and arm muscles—it really ramped up. Uptight, uptight, tight.

HONEYBEE – Heart Awakener – VI (The Lovers)

Honeybee

Vibration, sensitivity, a coming home to the self. Not much fun when you’ve let your Self vibrate away into obsession and insomnia.

So Honeybee is bringing me balance. I’m going to concentrate on happy tasks like finally, finally working in my handmade Towers journal after all this time. I had let it go, discouraged because the woman who gave me the original impetus to make the journal and had asked to start a study of the tarot Tower card, disappeared on me and seemed to lose interest. She was a vibrant, creative person, I felt such a letdown.

However, another artist and poetry lover has decided to work with me on this. I’m finding it hard to bring myself out of hibernation (I refuse to call it depression!) to work, but I have to learn to relax and let things go and just flow with art and words. I have to learn to trust people, as well as simply trusting myself.

You know how you build things up in your mind? This journal was like that for me as I went to extraordinary lengths to make it. So I’m afraid to wreck it, afraid to trust working together with someone. Afraid, afraid. It’s not that big of a deal, if I make a mistake, it’s not a big deal. It really isn’t. It’s about expression and working deeply with archetype, and I enjoy that. So just enjoy it Jude, let it go for bloody sake. Sheesh.

Interestingly, part of my poem for the title page uses sun and here the sun is shining: could be a sign maybe?

 

 

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2 Comments on “Hovering Bees Vibrating in the Sun”

  1. tarottiferet Says:

    What a beautifully coloured card.

    And the two honeybees working together on their journal, while the tower (erm, I mean, hive) sits behind them.

    So, this card could be about trust and commitment to a new person or project. I know how it is to be disappeared on, as you well know. It is just one of the most horrible things and has happened three times to me, without warning or explanation. Very upsetting. I can fully understand why you’d feel apprehensive about stepping into another working relationship, but I remember how in my own experience, not everyone is like those people from my own past.

    Ah, hibernation. Yeah, I prefer that word. Maybe the desire to work on the journal will bring an end to hibernating, as Yehuda would say?

    • JJ Says:

      Yes, I think the card is about that, or rather my angst about that, which is probably just the old buttons being pushed from a long time ago.

      Good old Yehuda!


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