Two Jugglers, Falling



Another threesome today. I always cringe when I get The Tower.

I have a few creative ideas I’m juggling, and this 2 of Pents card reminds me to play and not get too caught up in perfection, but to have fun and enjoy juggling ideas.

The 2 of Wands seems to be holding the Earth, is he in control of everything? Surely not, surely one person would not be expected to look after everything and every detail? There’s a feeling of uneasiness with this one, contrary to how I usually think of this card. The BIG idea, the grandiose plans, underneath that is a balance between the time to act and the time to be still. You can’t do it all, nor can you do it all at the same time, nor can you control every matter.

I have to go to the doctor tomorrow. I have a lot of anxiety about it, and yet I think I did the right thing stopping my medication as I am feeling much better. These cards…from one end to the other…it’s like the difference between having fun in life and the destruction of obsessive thoughts, invented scenarios, the false assumptions we build up in our minds.

The doctor can do blood tests every three months or so and monitor my blood pressure, if nothing else. One of the words associated in this deck with The Tower is “narrow-mindedness” and it’s a nudge for me to open up in this regard. I like the blood tests because they let me see what’s going on, it’s the endless waiting at the doctor’s office and the having to talk when she won’t listen to me that gets me anxious. So what, it’s a moment in time, a whisper. It becomes worse because of my thoughts about it.

I have been trying to do mindfulness meditation when I get overly anxious, it really helps to bring things back to the breath, the body, my own Self and blood and heart, instead of fantasies of doom.

Also the thought from left to right that in order to have fun and carry out ideas I need to give myself the chance to physically become well to avoid destruction. It’s juggling my knowledge of my body and conventional medicine. I can still act to alleviate a destructive outcome.



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