In the Valley with Nakisha

I rode my exercise bike for ten minutes yesterday and spent eight hours cutting a sewing a gardening hat for the spouse. Today I have edema and I ache all over. Fortunately I had blood tests yesterday and will go to the doctor next week. The medication I am on makes me feel sick and dizzy and gives me edema, which is not supportable in my view.

So, feeling a bit down today, I choose a nice postcard from Nakisha VanderHoeven that she sent with the Badgers Forest Tarot. It’s no wonder I like her decks, she does the most beautiful backgrounds in watercolour.


I like the way the mist funnels down in this, and the trees look like they are leaning in to listen to the mist or watch where it’s going. Mountains always look so mysterious drifting in an out of mist. I’m a bit worried about the feelings of hopelessness I have had all year. The last clinical depression I had lasted for eight years and I was overwhelmed with suicidal tendencies. I never want to go there again.

I don’t like the way I am drifting into that valley again. Perhaps, as I’ve seen lately in cards, this fog is merely a resting point, some gentle mist drifting in but leaving the trees unharmed? Trees have deep roots and can withstand a lot of weather conditions, they lean in, they listen, they sway and move flexibly.




6 thoughts on “In the Valley with Nakisha

  1. That really is the most mesmorising and beautiful painting. You could look at that for ages.

    I know these fears. I have them too. I read Yehuda’s book about depression and he suggested that before depression, we lose desire (rather than the other way around). That is something I can relate to because when I start to lose interest in the world around me, I start to lose interest in myself. I appreciate that we’re all different and your health must be a big trigger for your own emotional wellbeing. Sometimes, the fear has been a bigger weight for me than the impending depression. I don’t know the answers – for any of us – but as your friend, I am here to travel on the ups and downs with you.

    • Yes, I really like her artwork.

      Thanks for your thoughts. I have decided to stop taking the medications and observe what happens in the next five days before I go to the doctor.

      I didn’t know Yehuda had a book on depression, I’ll go and look it up.

  2. I read your post and took a minute to think if there was anything I could say that would help from my own experience with depression and long term chronic illness and I thought yes there is ❣ Let it flow, let the mist swirl down and rest in the valley. There will come a time when a breeze stirs the vapours and they will naturally disappear. I have learned to just let that mood be, to let it come and go in it’s own time. It may take days or weeks but if I refuse to identify with it it will pass. To lose desire, to want a cessation to suffering is natural, as natural as the return to desire, to hope. I think we get into trouble when we add fear of getting stuck in the black fog to the mix. Nature, of which we are a part, is for ever in flux and seeks always to find a level which supports life. I have learned to trust this and I feel it gives me a better chance of steering my ship of soul off the sharp rocks into the wide open sea again. Sending loving best wishes to you.✿⊱╮

    • Hi Willo, your comments resonated with me–thanks!

      This one:

      ” I think we get into trouble when we add fear of getting stuck in the black fog to the mix.”

      Isn’t that just IT though? Your thought about Nature always seeking to find a level to support life is something I can grip with my mind and body.

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