Let’s Have a Tree Day

I had a sleepless night worrying about insects, insects breeding in the house and the yard and earwigs, termites and flying carpenter ants so let’s have a cheery tree today. My aspen tree has crown galls which are popping out of the ground and infecting the soil. Another worry: bacteria!

I’m worrying about replacing printer ink when I need the money to get two pictures framed. Then I was up at 4 a.m. washing the floor in the basement because I smelled mildew. Another worry: fungal things.

Welcome to planet Earth in the solar system of Insomnia.

HAZEL

Hazel

We always had a bottle of Witch Hazel (Hamamelis virginiana) astringent in my childhood home. I love the smell of it.

But this is proper Hazel (Corylus avellana) where hazelnuts come from. Forked hazel branches are often used for divining and have been since Medieval times. On May Day in times past, this was a tree that was brought indoors to ward off evil spirits in the home. Because it used to be planted in hedgerows, this tree signifies boundaries in this oracle deck.

“Let me teach you how to set your own boundaries, so you know where to concentrate your power and wisdom.”

The inverse of this card mentions becoming too self-contained and not trusting people. “Perhaps you need to gradually increase your trust in people and to become less anxious and uncertain.”

I agree about being less anxious and uncertain but would trusting people actually rectify that? Like everything else I suppose there is a moderate path here. Don’t get caught up in ideas and situations that are nothing to do with you, set boundaries with people. Then, don’t go too far the other way.

I don’t know, I have lost trust, starting with long-ago people in January 2000 and November 2004. The November of the culmination of almost five years of a sociopathic liar with several Internet personas, who laughed when I found out. I didn’t find it funny, particularly because I could have used a friend during the last few months of psychic battering at my job before they fired me. The boss as sociopathic liar and emotionally insecure drip.

Maybe if I’m honest my old childhood “friend” too, whom I kept trying to contact throughout the years but she never felt a need to do the opposite. Funny, I had a dream I met her again last night and she hugged me—something she would never do in real life. In real life she deserted me when I was anxious and sick, and sulked and let a door slam in my face when I was carrying heavy bags because I wouldn’t draw up a Mickey Mouse picture so the guy she was having an affair with could get a tattoo of it. She never called me when my Mom died, she called us a month after her husband died, a man my husband came to Canada with, and then expected what? She never asked about us and pasted an e-mail she wrote to someone else to inform me of his death. She, she, she, and otherwise she sulked and was mean to me if I didn’t do what she wanted, for 40-odd years, until I finally gave up and wouldn’t give her what she wanted, which was attention and an emoticon façade of sisterhood. She has never talked to me again. I am still a smidge bitter although expecting more was a fool’s game with her. Another sociopathic manipulator.

Nah, I don’t want to trust people. At least not people like her. Perhaps a moderate choice in whom to trust? I tend to attract these unfeeling nutcases without ethics or remorse. I do see the middle ground—see the hazel smack dab in the middle of the card? But I am pulling myself into the surrounding forest for cover. For now that’s my preferred emotional and mental boundary.

Hazel has nutritious nuts! You can press them for oil more easily than you can press me to trust another human.

But you know, it is restful in the green glade. Borders and boundaries, restful and safe. Yup, I’m quite happy here.

 

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4 Comments on “Let’s Have a Tree Day”

  1. mooninfog Says:

    Wow. This really resonates. Unfortunately. At least maybe we can consider ouselves in good company…

    I’m a sucker for clever, dramatic, insincere, self-serving women “friends”–even though I see them coming a mile away I’m still swayed. I’m just so…grateful!… to be accepted by the cool kids. Oddly enough, my mom is just like this too. Ha ha. (pounds head on keyboard)

    And part 2. I discovered yesterday that an utterly charming little loveseat I’ve had in our bedroom for a year, bought second-hand and intending to refinish–is riddled with termites. One of the kittens tore into the fabric covering the bottom of the upholstered seat, and out poured a horrifying pile of termite dust. I immediately hauled it downstairs and outside, cut off all the upholstery and removed the springs, and starting to pursue the termites with spray. Then reality kicked in. If I found this by the side of the road with a sign saying “Free! Termite infested!” would I take it home?

    I came to my senses, taped some big plastic bags over the scene of the crime, and arranged for a neighbor to take it to the dump forthwith. Adios lovely little loveseat.

    So I’m thinking about these “friends” the same way. If they were by the side of the road with a sign saying “Free friend! Lots of trouble, inauthentic, unreliable, selfish, backstabbing” what would I do?

    Drive on by, JJ, drive on by.

    But damn, it was a beautiful loveseat.

    • JJ Says:

      One time when I was 11 we were at a motel on a tour of the nation’s capital with my school, and the cool kids charged me a quarter to enter their room. I paid it, because they were cool.

      I feel better somehow knowing I’m not the only sucker in the world.

      Yeah, the beautiful loveseats of the world. Sigh. Not so beautiful after all. (Thanks for the pics!)


  2. I love witch hazel too. I was reading about all its uses recently…good stuff. Sorry about your crappy experiences with friendships, connections. I have had some nasty ones too. I think you’d be hard pressed to find anyone without such experiences. If anything it reminds me to love and trust myself, and to love and trust others, but realize that they are human. I also wonder a lot about projection and shadow work. I think that a lot of my relationships and friendship problems stem from unresolved issues I have within myself, specifically about being mistreated, abandoned, etc. Just a thought…but anyway. I don’t know anything for sure, that’s for sure! 😀

    I also worry about bugs, bacteria, fungus, etc. It’s pretty annoying the things the brain latches onto.

    Hugs,
    MM

    • JJ Says:

      Do you really worry about bugs and stuff? Perhaps it is just that we worry about everything?

      I agree with you that previous experiences can often crop up in this unresolved way. Very definitely something to be considered in that it might skew reality.


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