Daily Draw February 8th, 2012
My friend’s husband had an aortic aneurism and open heart surgery almost a year ago and he is not doing well. He has excruciating nerve pain and can’t walk and has been confined to one room for several months. He can’t digest food and weighs 90 pounds and is fighting to keep that weight on. He has periodic bowel hemorrhaging too.
Apart from that his mood is bad, he is angry and depressed, and my friend is finding it hard to deal with that while she tries to look after him and drive around on errands and doctor’s appointments. He lost his place for physiotherapy because he could never make the appointments.
My immediate reaction was to suggest changing his diet and go with a natural hygiene or celiac diet, even though he has been tested for celiac disease and the doctors said he didn’t have it. He lives on tea and toast, muffins, milk and eggs, and wheat and dairy are bad, particularly if your bowel is trying to heal. They fasted him for 17 days in the hospital and it cleared up for a while which leads me to think a holistic approach to food would help.
They don’t believe in such things and are not interested in trying it. So with this in mind I drew these cards today from The Runic Tarot:
8 IMBOLC – CHALLENGE
7 IMBOLC – SYMPATHY
I got alarmed when I saw this Sympathy card related to the third week in March. The book suggests sharing a burden and being a shoulder to cry on. My friend does phone me when she gets down; I’m the one she can say things to that she can’t say to her family and neighbours. I have been talking to her weekly for most of the past year, which is saying a lot since before that we only spoke about three times a year. I must share the burden as long as I have to, says the card.
But of course the word “sympathy” reminds me of death and funerals, which makes me weepy. I found myself considering how I could get out of going to his funeral, and feeling like a weak-willed rat this morning while crying sitting on my bed. I get to the point at funerals where I can’t stop crying. Apart from being embarrassing it takes a lot out of me at a time when I have little emotional resilience anyway. Selfish ratfink I am. I know people take sedatives at funerals to cope but I can’t do that.
The Challenge card is about preparing for battle, and facing something rather than running away. I need to face the challenge before the sympathy. The card says what has to be done must be done regardless of success. It could refer to me badgering them to go to a holistic doctor in conjunction with their regular specialist, but I feel this approach would only alienate them.
I simply have to face up to supporting them no matter what. That includes facing his funeral.
I am still hoping he can turn it around and regain his health but it seems unlikely. The hard thing about death is knowing what to say or do to help people. Sometimes you just have to stand there and take it beside them.