Daily Draw January 31st, 2012
I am suffused with pain again. Last week when I was doing affirmations, I found myself able to do quite a few things and now I feel crippled and wretchedly crabbed up, seized up.
I stopped doing affirmations because of discouragement. I get tired of doing everything alone. My husband won’t bother, and wouldn’t even bother himself to read the poem I wrote last week. Then he started buying a bunch of processed food, stuff that I can’t eat since I got sick three years ago and I couldn’t breathe and the doctor thought I had congestive heart failure. Imagine not caring if someone has heart failure. I can’t get my head around that one. It makes me feel worthless and then I don’t bother.
However, you can’t hang your feelings on other people, they come from within; it’s a plain old fact that I won’t bother with myself. That’s my whine for today, which is born of pure discouragement.
I find it hard to pin bad things on the Fox. It reminds me of some crazy tarot woman on a list I was on. I had posted a poem from an author I made an effort to track down and then had bought a slim volume of his poetry. I posted one poem I liked which apparently did not follow a politically correct stance on wolves. This woman started bullying and arguing with me, completely ruining the joy I had felt in the old poetry book. People on that list were terrible bullies if you didn’t fit into their narrow-minded correctness. That’s the same list where another nutcase lit into me for not believing in numerology. I believe in numbers, not numerology, and my world is expansive for it.
Wolves have been painted in a terrible light sometimes and there is a bloody, slavering stereotype of them, but they ARE predators. They have a nice family life but they are predators and will kill, they will kill baby animals, other wolves, and vulnerable people if they choose. The fact that they do positive things too doesn’t negate their carnivorous nature. That is simply biology and nature.
So, while recognizing the beauty and interesting habits of foxes, they do sneak into henhouses and kill. There is loads of evidence on that. As humans we guard against predators. This is me being warned to guard against eating bad food bought by someone with a lack of awareness. Be aware, be cunning like the fox, or be aware that the fox is trying to kill you. I do feel like he is trying to kill me some days, but it comes from within, you see.
And the Stars suggest a much more positive take on things, with success and that intuition thing. The small voice inside that says “You are doing it to yourself” is intuition. Telescope means “to watch far” in Latin. Intuition is watching the discouragement and resentment of today and hopefully turning that around further along. Far sight, foresight.
The lovely sun has an engraving of the sun’s movements around the Earth behind it. It reminds me of the study I did with the armillary sphere and the Nigel Jackson Tarot. Go far with Nigel! Yes, the armillary sphere of the mind surfaces again.
See, this is what the human mind does with numbers, which is as expansive as numerology is sadly restrictive to me. There are many paths to take.
Well, a bit of a ramble today, but I feel better, that’s the main thing. I find that often with cards: you can wake up miserably and then see the art and learning via cards and away you go again.
A fine thing in the armillary openness of life.